Speaking Engagement at Methodist Convention Caucus

The Rev. Carl Caskey of Northfield and the leader of a caucus of retired clergy advocating for change and reconciliation within the Methodist church, invited us to speak at their annual state convention on October 2nd. During the 90-minute session we talked about our marriage, families and work, as well as our individual journeys with faith. We then led an open discussion with 15 retired clergy where we discussed ideas to achieve reconciliation in the church. Kelly and I are so thankful to Carl and his colleagues for the invitation and for the extraordinary opportunity to share our story.

More about Noah...

Noah was featured on Twin Cities Live, a local tv show here in the Twin Cities. They opened the segment with his photo of us from the StarTribune. Click here to see the segment. (choose the one called "Wedding Pic Basics")

Wedding Pics and Slideshow

Noah sent us our wedding pictures last night with a great slideshow (turn your volume up - he picked a couple of great songs to accompany the pics). Wedding Photos

Another Wedding Photo

17 Years Since I've Seen Skinny!

I'm floored by the dinner I just had with my old fraternity brother, Skinny. Kelly challenges me to find a fraternity brother that doesn't have a nickname. In this case, Skinny = Brad Thompson. Skinny has lived in Phoenix since 1990 with his gorgeous wife Michelle and their daughter Hannah (13) and son Nicholas (11). Hannah is a bright young lady with an impressive text record (12,000 texts in one month!!) and Nicholas is sure to be an architect or engineer. I'm not surprised to learn they have bright, great-looking kids and we can't wait to meet them.

I haven't seen Skinny or Michelle since they were married, 17-years ago. They are great role models for marriage and we had an incredible night, reminiscing about our college years and all the high jinks. It just goes to show that while good friends’ lives change with marriage, kids, work, travel, and while our time together is infrequent, the bonds run deep.

Tonight we celebrated our memories, friendships, relationships and families. It was an extraordinary joy. Here are some pictures from the evening. Skinny, Michelle, Lisa , and Dennis: THANK YOU for an incredible night.

Great Wedding Photo

We were given a sneak peek at a few of our photos. This one is great!

On the Street, After the Ceremony

I told the story about the women we met on the street corner who screamed when we told them we were married – this is the picture they took. We had just awaken from a nap and were frantically shopping for jeans, which I had forgotten to pack. They practically stopped traffic to take this photo.

Sausalito and Lisa

After the ceremony on Tuesday we had an interview with Pam, the reporter from the StarTribune. We then jumped into our car and had the driver take us to Sausalito for lunch, stopping by a site or two along the way for pictures. Lisa bought a bottle of champagne to celebrate and we drank (and drank and drank) and took in the sites along the way. I haven’t seen them yet but the photos with the Golden Gate Bridge as the backdrop should be amazing. We had a fantastic lunch outdoors – the sun was beaming and our view of the bay and the city were unforgettable. Lisa made sure the party never ended as this picture perfectly shows. There was never a dull moment – thank God for Lisa.

Our Witnesses!

These are our beautiful witnesses - this picture was taken after dinner on Tuesday. Every single person we introduced Holly to, was stunned to learn she has a 22-year old son.



This photo was taken at the end of the night, at a club in the Castro. We were the oldest “clubbers” in the bar – I didn’t recognize one song! Oy, and we were tired.

Comments from the Strib

The article on Startribune.com includes comments from readers. As you can imagine, not all supportive. Here are a sampling of the good and bad:

Congrats to the happy couple!
I wish them well and many good long years together. I hope next year the DFL Legislature and Pawlenty repeal the law so the CA marriage can be recognized here.

posted by nexrad_arx on Jun. 17, 08 at 10:06 PM |
21 of 31 people liked this comment.
maybe
the terrible divorce rate will finally improve.

posted by slingshot on Jun. 17, 08 at 10:07 PM |
13 of 22 people liked this comment.
Well done
Congratulations gentlemen! What was Michele Bachmann's entry in the gift registry?

posted by beaarthur on Jun. 17, 08 at 10:10 PM |
15 of 23 people liked this comment.
Maybe it is time that we just admit the obvious: God doesn't make everyone heterosexual.

posted by joeeeeee on Jun. 17, 08 at 10:10 PM |
20 of 28 people liked this comment.
Best Wishes
Congrats guys!! Show heterosexual America that our love is just as real as theirs. Oh and beaarthur, Michelle couldn't attend as she was chased into the bathroom by Larry Craig.

posted by kevbuck on Jun. 17, 08 at 10:44 PM |
14 of 20 people liked this comment.
Congrats!
I am so happy for them! God bless their marriage and everyone else who marries- straight, gay and trans!

posted by micoia on Jun. 17, 08 at 11:11 PM |
15 of 19 people liked this comment.
Best wishes to Kelly & Tom!
Thank you for sharing your special day with the readers of the Star Tribune. It was a joy to read about your wedding. We flew out to San Francisco when the weddings were happening there 4 years ago. It was simply amazing to see couple after couple exchange their vows. I wish everyone in America could spend a day like that.....maybe hearts would open to the beautiful love that shines so brightly! We wish you all the best, Kelly & Tom! Our love, Randi and Phil Reitan

posted by RandiReitan on Jun. 18, 08 at 12:35 AM |
14 of 16 people liked this comment.
I am totally against gay marriages... Marriage is supposed to be for human creation.. Marriage is a sacred act. I think they are doing it for the benefits for health insurance, etc. Don't get me wrong, I find nothing wrong with gay people, but I don't agree with marriage for them. Enjoy your lifestyle, but I don't want to pay for it for you.

To see all of them, click on the link above. Enjoy!

We're in the News!

Our 15-minutes of fame. Actually, considering we had a shotgun wedding (without the baby), it's nice to have the video (see next post) and newspaper article. It all went by so fast and now we have something to look back at. Click here for the StarTribune article.

Barry Biderman

Barry Biderman. It's a name a Jewish mother would love and one I'll remember for the rest of my life. Barry was the man who officiated our ceremony yesterday. His day job is with San Francisco's juvenile justice system, but yesterday he was one of many volunteers marrying people. Barry volunteered to be deputized by the city so he could officiate gay marriages. He was one of many city workers who took a vacation day to help with everything. People were so nice and so excited to be a part of the historic day. I feel so lucky that we got Barry Biderman to officiate. We were his first couple of the day and I swear he was as giddy as we were about it. Such a lovely man. Just so joyful. Here's a link to the actual ceremony so you can see and hear more about him. There was a television crew that caught it all!
http://www.kewego.com/video/iLyROoafY3VO.html
We walked to the top of City Hall and found a space overlooking the magnificent rotunda. With my sister Holly and our friend Lisa standing at our sides, it was a glorious setting for the exchange of our vows.

The "Wedding Reception"

Our friends Mike and Luis threw quite a party for us at Destino's. We didn't expect that we would be announced, that everyone in the restaurant would stop what they were doing and recognize us. There was a huge round of applause and later the guests and staff would ask to have their pictures taken with us. There was a beautiful little wedding cake with two grooms on top, in the middle of the table. The latin food was phenomenal (check out their menu). Great food and company --- tons of laughs. We are so blessed to have good friends all over the country. Noah will be sending us pictures from tonight, later -- we'll get them up here asap.





We stopped in the Castro for a drink and had our picture taken next to a huge banner that said, "Just Married." The Castro was hoppin! We met a gorgeous couple from Oakland who had just gotten married this evening - we shared our stories and met their parents. One of the brides had a stunning dress on and they both wore leis, a symbol of the commitment ceremony they previously held in Hawaii.

The Big Day!!!

What a historic day. We’re both completely overwhelmed by what we experienced. When we arrived at City Hall, there were crowds of supporters standing on the steps outside. Camera crews, radio stations, news broadcasters and journalists, and GLBT-supportive organizations were lined up everywhere to greet us. There were also wedding vendors such as DJs, caterers, tailors, and others, seizing the opportunity for new business. We walked into City Hall and were guided by hundreds of city volunteers who checked us in for our appointment and led us to the marriage license application area. There, we, and our witnesses signed the marriage license with a deputy judge, who would later officiate our ceremony. Everywhere there were photographers and couples holding hands. Some wore tuxedos, some had gowns on (mostly women). Some wore Hawaiian shirts. Some had children dressed as ring bearers and Volunteers from local churches were handing out cupcakes as a stand in for wedding cake. I won’t include all the details here but I will say our little ceremony was beautiful. Very traditional.



Our officiant, Barry, was sweet – we were all crying, including him! We exchanged rings while a local TV station filmed the wedding. I’m really floored by the experience and the emotions. Everywhere we went today, people congratulated us, hugged and kissed us, handed us flowers. We just got back from shopping and we told two strangers on the street we just got married and they screamed and threw their arms around us. It’s the Summer of Love here in San Fran – and a beautiful day to boot!

In Just 2 Hours...

In a couple of hours, we'll be married. We were never big on marriage. We used to argue it was a straight institution. So, why marriage and why now? I’ve loved Kelly for a fourth of my existence. The last 10 years have been the happiest of my life. They say relationships take work. I’ve never felt like this is work. Don’t get me wrong, he drives me crazy. He’s messy and unorganized. I’m neat and planful. I’m frantic and obsessive. He’s calm and realistic. He has to be a lot more patient with me, than I do with him. We’re both a little co-dependant. We’re not perfect and our relationship is not perfect but I think we do well at managing perspectives – knowing what’s important. We never go to bed angry and we say “I love you” everyday. Somehow, it all works well and everyday I am grateful we are together. Our relationship is as honorable and productive as any marriage in existence and should be recognized. So, here we are in California – seizing the opportunity (and sounding a little self-righteous in the process!).

Noah

Last night we had dinner, just the four of us, at a restaurant called Aqua (www.aqua-sf.com), recommended by the best-informed foodie I know - Irene Silber, my colleague and friend from Capella (thanks Irene!).

We’re starting off this morning with photos, beginning at 8:30am with Noah. This is great. Last weekend, our friends Amy and Kevin were married. I planned the wedding with Amy and made sure things went smoothly over the weekend. It was beautiful. Anyways, in the process of it all, I was floored by the photographer’s incredible operation – he and his crew were amazing. I called him after the wedding and asked him if he could refer a photographer in San Francisco. He called me back later and offered to come to San Francisco and do it himself. We are honored to have Noah in San Francisco with us. Noah’s web site: www.noahwolf.com.

Why Now?

Sorry friends and family for the sudden decision! There were so many things at play that lead to the final, and quick decision to get married, not the least of which was to be there on the first day. Jan, my stepmom, said that while they won’t be there physically, we’ll feel their presence in the room (hopefully I won’t make their spirits as stressed out as I do their physical beings). I expect the ceremony to be very brief and informal. At the time of this posting, I have no idea how the ceremony works. I know we get our license at 9:30am and the ceremony is at 10:30am. I wonder if we need vows. We’re honored to have Lisa, one of my oldest friends, and Holly, Kelly’s sister, as witnesses. Thank you both for taking time out of your busy lives to be there for us! When I look back at all the great times in my 20’s, most of them were spent with Lisa, Suzanne and Monica. Lisa and I were roommates for years and she pulled me out of the closet – was the first person I told. Actually, the conversation went like this, “(Lisa) TC, are you gay?” “(TC) No.” “(Lisa) TC, are you sure?” “(TC) No.” “(Lisa) Ok, that’s a start.”

Dinner with Old Friends

Tonight we’re getting together with our San Francisco friends. Mike and Luis arranged for dinner at Destino’s (www.destinosrestaurant.com), a restaurant owned by a friend of theirs. Mike is from Minneapolis, moved to DC and now lives with Luis in San Francisco. Kelly and I were in Berlin last winter and ran into them in a bar (we had no idea they were in Germany at the same time as us). Small world. We’ve hung out with Mike in DC, on a cruise and recently we vacationed with them in Puerto Vallarta. Mike and Luis, thanks for all your help pulling dinner together!

Our friends, Steve and Eric, are also joining us. We met Steve and Eric about 8 years ago at San Francisco Pride. Steve and I were standing on the periphery of the dance floor, resting. Kelly was dancing (poorly – sorry Honey) with someone else who - let’s just say - has a lot of energy. I turned to Steve and said, (rolling my eyes) “that’s my boyfriend.” He said, “see that guy dancing with your boyfriend? That’s my boyfriend” (rolled his eyes). We’ve been friends ever since. Anyways, we’ve visited them in San Fran, they’ve come to Mpls, and a few years ago we joined them on a cruise. We’re looking forward to seeing them after a couple of years. They’re building a house in Sonoma – maybe that’s where we should have our wedding reception next year (ahem)!

Formal Ceremony?

We think we’ll have a formal ceremony next summer. I have some work to do, negotiating the church thing. My spirituality is confused at best. Kelly has been to St. Mark’s a few times and we both really love Spencer, their pastor. If he’s looking for a challenge, I’m his guy. But I love the idea of feeling connected to a church and being married in front of God (?), friends and family.

--Tom

San Francisco

I can’t imagine being anywhere but here for this wedding. San Francisco is such an amazing city. I remember the first time I saw it about 14 years ago. I thought it was absolutely beautiful. It’s like no other city I’d ever seen. It doesn’t feel like you’re even in the United States. It disorients you. My plane must have taken a wrong turn and gone to…..Europe? The Mediteranean? All you want to do is explore and get to know every block it. On the right day, from the right vantage point, I could just stare at the city for hours. It’s like having a crush. It’s a city that knows and embraces its past without sentimentalizing it. And of course, it’s Gay, USA. If we’re going to get married it might as well be at the epicenter of it all.

--Kelly